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FROM raging hormones to lack of communication, many factors can cause your marriage to implode in midlife.
Here’s how to save your relationship – and when to say enough is enough.
If you’re middle-aged, chances are, you know someone who’s recently called time on their marriage – or even thought about it yourself.
A growing number of women are choosing to end their marriage in midlife, while also going through the menopause – a phenomenon dubbed the “menodivorce”.
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“Not only have I seen a recent surge in menodivorce first-hand, but the trend is supported by data,” says Ursula Rice from Family First Solicitors in Oxford.
A 2025 report showed nearly half of divorces in the UK are now being instigated by women in midlife, while a 2022 survey by The Family Law Menopause Project and Newson Health found seven in 10 women blame the menopause for the breakdown of their marriage.
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“Women now reaching middle age are educated, ambitious, and financially and socially independent,” Ursula says.
“When the kids leave home, and the excuse for the inequality has worn off, women get the head space to recognise it doesn’t need to be like that any more.”
Despite its name, symptoms like low libido, mood swings and irritability aren’t the only factors driving menodivorce.
Rather, it’s a psychological and emotional shift many feel during this time.
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“Women are experiencing clarity when reassessing their husbands and marriages, and they’re unimpressed,” says Ursula.
To understand if your marriage is worth saving, lift the fog on what’s going on.
Most women want different things from life at 50 than they did at 20.
“You’re not the ‘you’ you knew any more,” says Fiona Clark, author of MenoWars and co-founder of charity Menopause Research & Education Fund.
“Some women describe moodiness, rage and a loss of interest in life. What used to make them happy no longer does. And then there is the flatlining libido.”
Suddenly, you’re looking at your life through a different lens.
“If you’re working 40 hours, cleaning, cooking, caring for kids and elderly parents, you expect to have some back-up from your partner. If that isn’t happening, then the door is looking very attractive,” she says.
We can’t ignore the physical effects of menopause.
“Hot flushes, night sweats, joint pain, weight changes and fatigue can affect a woman’s confidence, while vaginal dryness may make intimacy challenging and distressing.
“This can lead to feelings of unattractiveness and rejection on both sides,” says Dr Elise Dallas, GP and menopause specialist at The London General Practice.
Throw in poor sleep, as well as fluctuating moods, and communication becomes even harder.
“Anxiety and irritability can also create conflict or more disconnection in a marriage, even if the relationship hasn’t fundamentally changed, eroding intimacy and creating a cycle of misunderstanding.”
Might hormone replacement therapy, in the form of tablets, patches or cream, help?
“It’s really common to hear women say: ‘HRT saved my marriage,’ and I’d say it saved mine,” says Fiona.
“I’d become more snappy than usual, and even I didn’t like being around me!
“HRT can help keep mood steady, improve sleep, and restore libido. But lifestyle changes, such as regular exercise, a balanced diet and stress management techniques like mindfulness, can all help boost resilience and wellbeing, too.
“Psychological support, including cognitive behavioural therapy or counselling, can also help manage anxiety and relationship strain,” she adds.
It’s easy to blame hormones for a shift in perspective, but Dr Dallas says menopause rarely creates problems from scratch.
“It tends to magnify pre-existing dynamics,” she explains.
“If a woman already feels unsupported, heightened stress and fatigue can make that imbalance intolerable.”
Criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling are the four key predictors of divorce, dubbed “The Four Horsemen” by psychologist John Gottman.
“If the core issue is neglect or contempt, HRT won’t fix that,” explains Ursula.
“Hormones can make you feel grumpy, amplifying tensions, but it’s often your partner’s behaviour that pushes things over the edge. If emotional needs are not met, it’s lethal for a relationship.”
While a woman is navigating inner upheaval, her partner can be bewildered – or worse, dismissive.
“When men hear I’ve written a book on menopause, they fire questions at me about the person they love: ‘Why is she impossible to be around, always moody and won’t let me touch her?’ If you don’t know why you’re snappy and your partner doesn’t either, there are few places for this to go but down,” says Fiona.
Better communication is vital. But if you want to tell a partner what’s happening, you need to understand it yourself.
“It took me two years to be able to comfortably talk to my partner, who was very supportive,” Fiona confesses.
Ursula adds: “My message to men is show interest in your wife’s inner world and feelings. Stop leaping to solutions – asking: ‘Have you tried this?’ isn’t helpful. Instead, say: ‘That seems difficult. What are your thoughts?’ Most women just want to feel heard.”
Whether the answer is medical intervention, a redistribution of housework or divorce papers, the common thread is the need for “reckoning”. And it doesn’t come easy.
“It was almost like a grieving process – looking at what I’d lost and coming to terms with the new me,” says Fiona.
“It was a process, and I wonder if that’s what people call ‘the other side’ – when you’ve found peace with it.”
You can get support from organisations such as Relate and Better Help.
Whatever happens, take things slowly.
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“Don’t be quick to bin off a good partner,” says Ursula.
“Some men show love through doing things, rather than using words. That’s not necessarily a broken marriage – it can just be a communication gap. But if your partner constantly makes you feel bad about yourself, it’s time to look at your options. You deserve to feel worthy.”
Josie Hamilton-Cook, 54, is the founder of Rebellious Essence, and lives in Louth, Lincolnshire.
“When I hit 52, I came to a turning point. As my 15-year-old daughter grew more independent and I experienced shifts in my hormones, I began to question everything, especially my marriage of 26 years.
I’d spent decades putting others first, but suddenly, I wanted to be seen, supported and valued. I’d carried the mental load for years, working as a freelance food-product developer, managing two holiday homes and a rental property, as well as looking after the home and family.
I craved purpose and wanted to follow my passion to help women with their self-image. But my husband, who was used to me being the breadwinner, wasn’t supportive and said to me: ‘You’ll never make any money doing that.’
A distance began to form between us and I kept a lot of my views to myself to maintain the peace and keep him happy. I sought out coaching, but he saw it as a threat, believing it was poisoning me against him. I just felt he didn’t take me seriously.
Eventually, the pain of staying in the marriage outweighed the fear of leaving, and after a year, I spoke up.
In 2023, I asked for a divorce. He was shocked, and it was so hard to watch his reaction, which was total devastation. Now I’m focusing on healing, and finding out who Josie actually is.”
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