LUST NOT LOST The 50p ‘cure’ to your sex slump and how to rekindle the thrill – from ‘orgasm workouts’ to gummies
Lost your libido? Get it back and enjoy intimacy again with our tips
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YOU might not have been able to keep your hands off your man at the start of your relationship.
But a few years down the line, sex can slip down the to-do list, and before you know it, you’re in a slump.
“There can be lots of reasons why we’re not feeling it,” says Edel McCann, clinical lead at Leto Woman healthcare.
“Stress, depression, medication, fatigue, hormonal changes, pain and pelvic-floor dysfunction can all leave us not in the mood.”
Having kids can also affect your libido and arousal, while unresolved arguments and boredom contribute, too.
According to Superdrug’s Great British Sex Report 2026, only 22% of women and 26% of men are always satisfied by how much sex they’re having – the average is twice a week.
However, if you have a lower libido and that’s OK with you, don’t stress about how much sex you should be having.
“However, if it’s affecting your relationship and how you feel about yourself, do something about it,” says Edel.
Discover how to spice things up again. . .
FEELING in the mood isn’t always as straightforward as putting on silky lingerie and lighting some candles (although that can help). You need to tackle any underlying issues – from vaginal pain to a weak bladder – first.
“When your body is comfortable and relaxed, intimacy becomes more achievable and enjoyable,” explains Edel.
Feeling sore? It could be scarring from tears and episiotomies during childbirth.
“Pain is a huge problem within the vagina and the vulva tissues,” says Edel.
“If you had a scar anywhere else, you’d release it and move it to gain mobility.”
She suggests using self-touch to desensitise the area.
“Massage and vibration of the tissue using a vibrator can be useful.
Progress to masturbation if possible, because if you can’t touch and stimulate yourself without pain, you’re not going to have that experience with someone else.”
If you have vaginal dryness as a result of menopause, speak to your GP about HRT that can help.
TRY: Naydaya Victory Oil for vulval dryness, £28.
PROBLEMS in the pelvic area – such as fibroids, endometriosis and a weak bladder – can cause all manner of symptoms that prevent you from feeling frisky.
These range from bloating and constipation to pain and leaks.
But you don’t need to suffer in silence with symptoms you dismiss as ”normal” or too embarrassing to speak about.
See your GP for a referral to a pelvic-health specialist, who can help with bladder training and diet changes.
“A lot of people have really bad habits – just-in-case-peeing, not drinking enough water or eating enough fibre,” says Edel.
Or your GP might identify a condition that can be treated.
HAVING a tense pelvic floor, when the muscles in the lower pelvis can’t relax, can cause pain that makes penetration and orgasm difficult.
Edel recommends pelvic floor release work, like deep diaphragm breathing (slowly filling your stomach with air, before breathing back out), or a pelvic reset breath workout video on YouTube.
Edel adds: “A physiotherapist can help with manual release and relaxation of the pelvic floor internally.”
A weak pelvic floor, causing leaks and trouble going to the loo, doesn’t help with orgasms, either. Edel recommends strength training and Pilates-based movement.
Add shoulder bridges to your workout routine, alongside cat/cow and double leg lifts.
And don’t forget kegel exercises – they’re great for toning the pelvic floor, which can enhance sexual satisfaction.
TRY: The Squeezy App to train your pelvic floor muscles.
TAKING your worries out on your other half will likely make things worse.
“It’s about not blaming anyone, and instead acknowledging changes within both parties – men have issues, too, from erectile dysfunction to stress and body image worries,” says Edel.
Discuss your thoughts in a neutral space away from the bedroom, and use “I” statements without blame, such as: “I’m really struggling with tiredness, which is making me not feel like sex, but I want us to find a way to be intimate.”
“SELF-exploration is key for body awareness,” says Edel.
Experiment with pressure and speed, and touch yourself in different places, moving from your breasts to your thighs, to eventually between them. “Ask yourself how you want to be touched,” says Edel.
“How fast, how slow, and where?”
“IF the desire isn’t there at all, watch programmes where there’s a love story or sexual thrill involved,” says Edel.
“Listen to audio erotica, which can get thoughts moving in that direction.”
TRY: Audio sites such as Quinn, Dipsea and Literotica offer high-quality content for women. Or read romantasy, like Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros, and Sarah J Maas’ books.
FOREPLAY should be non-negotiable – don’t leap straight to penetration with a partner.
“Rather than focusing immediately on intercourse, build connection and reduce performance pressure,” says Edel.
“Try non-sexual touch and affection, like cuddling and understanding people’s love languages – what do they like? What do they need? Gradually rebuild intimacy in a way that feels safe and comfortable to you.”
ATTEMPTING a new pretzel-like shape when you’re not feeling overly sexy could end in embarrassment or injury.
“Start with positions you’re comfortable in, then explore new ones as sex gets more frequent.”
You could begin with missionary (a classic for a reason) or spoons (a step up from cuddling), then progress to all-fours (the receiver faces away while the giver penetrates from behind) or being on top.
When your confidence grows, get adventurous with stand and deliver (the receiver lies on the edge of a bed, legs up, against the giver’s chest).
Once you find what’s most pleasurable, take your time.
Edel adds: “Sometimes, changing the pace, not positions, makes a difference.”
1. Use a great lubricant, such as the organic Yes WB Water-Based Personal Lubricant, £12.99.
2. Skip the oysters and stock up on figs if you’re looking for an aphrodisiac. They’re packed with antioxidants and potassium that contribute to blood flow around the body.
3. Spending more time in the sack shouldn’t come at the expense of decent kip. Research has found that getting enough sleep actually boosts libido.*
4.There’s a supplement for everything – even getting in the mood. Try Novomins Turn Me On Gummies, £19.99 for 60.
5. Do a full workout – a 15-minute weights video, half-hour swim or yoga session – before a date or scheduled sex. It will get your blood pumping, help regulate hormones and can boost body confidence, all of which translate to better sex.
Source: *The Journal Of Sexual Medicine
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